Grief and Sorrow

To say that everyone has to deal with grief sooner or later is true. What level of grief is what can drastically be different. There is no avoiding it. I have had to deal with grief as we all have. I like to share a couple of things that I have learned.

Embrace the process. Loss is real and it hurts. Being strong does not mean, no pain, no crying, no down time, no mourning. If you try to avoid the process you will shut off too much of yourself. You will want to feel joy again, trust me. It is impossible to shut off one feeling or emotion without clearing the shelves of all of them. Depending on the loss, it could take 1-3 years to recover. Don't be in a hurry. You owe it to yourself and everyone else to go through the process completely. Don't try to replace the loss. The love one that you have lost is irreplaceable. They are worthy of memories. Forgetting the joy of their life will not get rid of the pain.

Hang on to it. The Apostle Paul tells us that we mourn but with hope.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 Now also we would not have you ignorant, brethren, about those who fall asleep [in death], that you may not grieve [for them] as the rest do who have no hope [beyond the grave]. (Amplified)

We are to help others in the grief, not by offering Christian quotes but by actually mourning with them. This is very uncomfortable for people. It might be that many have their own grief and dealing with other's brings them too close. I have learned that the quickest way to wholeness for me is to just acknowledge the pain and pray. There are no shortcuts to wholeness. There is no magic wand to wave. Through prayer, Holy Spirit, will comfort and heal. Talk about the pain with someone who can listen. A good friend grabs you hand and sits with you and will hold you as you cry.

Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others’ joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others’ grief]. (Amplified)

What you can expect is that the first year will be very tough. Every holiday will bring an empty seat to the table. This is normal. It is part of the process. Don't try to do too much. Tears will come and at times and pain can overwhelm you. Those around people going through loss need to understand that their role is to help embrace. Partner with them in the process. Weep with them. Take the roller coaster ride of emotions. If they weep then weep and if they rejoice then rejoice.

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn,

For they shall be comforted. (NKJV)

Notice that those who mourn get comforted. Avoiding the pain can make you feel isolated and distant. Holy Spirit will walk you all the way through it. You don't have to journey alone.

Beni Johnson of Bethel Church Redding, CA said this.

"For many it has been an emotional time this pass week. Feeling the grief and the great sorrow of what happened in Newtown. Someone asked me how do you navigate through this. I told them, "lots of crying, lots of praying for those involved, speaking in tongues, holding on to God and staying close to His heart". And, releasing lots of hope. It's ok to cry and grieve with those who are grieving the bible tells us that."

Hold on to God, don't let go. He is right there with you. And yes He feels the pain.

Psalms 116:15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
Is the death of His saints. (NKJV)

Kris Vallotton of Bethel says, "Jesus said, "blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted". In America we avoid pain at all cost so instead of mourning with those who mourn, we often think it is our job to cheer people up. But mourning and grieving is the road to wholeness and peace. David said, "weeping endures through the night but joy comes in the morning." Sometimes the "night" is longer than 8 hours; it is the dark season of the soul. In these night seasons it's important to remember that God is bigger than our pain. If we don't stuff our pain but allow the process of grieving to bring closure to our lives...the season will change and joy will return. One more thing; trying to figure out "why" in the midst of our pain, usually leads to wrong answers and bitterness. Not only that, it prolongs the "night" season of mourning. Sometimes people get "stuck" in grief and they need us to take them by the heart and lead them back to joy. But shutting down mourning prematurely will lead to incomplete healing and chronic heart pain. Love NEVER fails!"

These are words of wisdom.

No parent should have to go through want Sandy Hook parents are going through. I cannot imagine it. However, I have spent time weeping for those so tragically touched. Evil does not discriminate. It attacks all and does it without mercy. Trying to explain it will do us no good. Many look for closer. Wholeness will come if you allow it. THE LORD IS FAITHFUL!